Presdent Biden Demeans Neanderthals

Jan Louthain, President of the U.S. Neanderthal Association, reports that she is offended by President Biden's recent negative reference to Neanderthals when commenting on the current trend to relax COVID restrictions.  In a news conference on March 3, Mr. Biden said it was "Neanderthal thinking" to believe that "in the meantime, everything is fine, take off your masks."  While she agrees that it is unwise to relax restrictions too soon, she finds the Neanderthal comment demeaning and hurtful.  

According to 23andMe, about 2% of the population in the United States has Neanderthal characteristics.  At one point in history before they became extinct, Neanderthals interbred with modern man.  This was determined by scientists after they recently recovered DNA from Neanderthal bones and found matches with the current population.  At 2%, this is probably one of the smallest minority groups in the United States and Louthain intends to defend them.

Barron Announces His Run as Future President

In one of the most unusual moves since Donald J. Trump became President, his 10-year old son, Barron Trump, held am abbreviated press conference today to announce that he will be running for President of the United States in 2032.  He met with a limited number of media organizations in the Rose garden and CNN White House reporter, Alexie Anderson, was there to cover the news. 

Anderson reported that Barron made this statement as a response to the unfavorable comments made about him by Katie Rich, a writer for the long-running NBC live show Saturday Night Live.  The writer for the SNL segment, "Weekend Update," had recently commented that President Donald Trump's son "Barron will be this country's first homeschool shooter." Rich has been indefinitely suspended from the show since she made the statement.

Barron, accompanied by former head of the Republican party, Reince Priebus, urged the media to support him now as be began his intense preparation to run for President in 32.  He added that this was an office he has talked about holding since he was 5 years old.  He plans are to hire Rich as his speech writer once elected.